Wow.

Time has flown since my last exam.

It seems like once I set my pen down on 27th May at 4.30pm that I haven't stood still.

Freedom has been amazing, it took a few days to actually feel free. I would be out having fun and in my head I was thinking 'I shouldn't be here I should be studying...' but thankfully not. Hopefully for a while too. I have soaked up every moment of being with friends and have loved being able to stay up late, take pictures around Belfast, meeting girls for coffee, read whenever and whatever I want to and take a trip to the North Coast.







During this time I had little energy to think and truly reflect upon the past three years, but I found myself reflecting this weekend. On Friday I had my graduation from Bible College, it was a beautiful day. I have been looking forward to this date for several days, weeks and months. It was a date that had motivated me to keep on keeping on. I couldn't quite believe that it had arrived.

I was so honoured and blessed to be able to share this day with significant people. In the morning we had our final worship service with communion and Paul and Val were able to come with me, it such a blessing to share this time with them as they have supported me over the past 3 years at BBC.

The worship service was beautiful.
Completely centred on Jesus.
I was brought to the place of remembering that the only reason I had made it to this point was because of His love and strength. It was an amazing opportunity for me to truly adore God and lift my heart that was full of thankfulness to Him. All of the songs that I sang that day were drenched in words of precious truth that affirmed to me that God really does have a hold of me. He really will not ever let me go. I am so so so thankful for God's faithfulness to me.

My future is secure in Him and He is sovereign and has authority over every situation.
He knows, He knows the direction that my life will take.
I know, I know that I have to trust Him for every step ahead.

God has affirmed his guidance, presence and love to me over and over again this weekend. Every sermon I have encountered has lifted my heart. At the graduation ceremony on Friday evening the principal of BBC gave us amazing advice as we embark on God's mission and many of us who will head into ministry now or in the future...

He told us to contemplate these questions:

1. What do people expect of me?
As a graduate of Bible College (and hopefully of Queens...only time will tell) many people will have expectations of me. It is so easy therefore to follow their expectations rather focusing on God's plan for my life. I could get so consumed by doing things and being busy at the sacrifice of myself. I could force myself to be what I am not to please others. So as this chapter ends I hope that whatever I do I will be myself.
2. What do you expect of yourself?
What are the expectations that am I placing upon myself? Can I do and be everything to everyone? I know that I can't but there is definitely a temptation to try to be. Rather Ian cautioned us to love our limitations. Our limitations are our friends because they remind us of our desperate need for God. Realising that I can't do everything forces me to surrender to God's strength and wisdom.
3. What is your focus?
Or rather, who is your focus? Jesus is among us as the one who serves, this is my calling to serve Him above everyone and everything else. I am called to lead a radical life of discipleship and Jesus is the example to follow and He is the source of all my strength, affirmation and encouragement.
I loved this line that Ian shared "May every single thing you do be out of the lion heart, rugged individual that you are." 


The most emotional part of the evening for me was when my Missiology lecturer stood to commission us. I could not hold back the tears. It was a mixture of emotions- I finally realised I am really finished. It was a beautiful prayer full of the Holy Spirit and amazing promise's of God. I was excited to be commissioned to further God's Kingdom but there was an ounce of sorrow and fear of leaving our community.
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I can hardly believe that I have completed 3 years of study at Belfast Bible College, I have been joyful, excited, inspired and challenged. I have learnt a great deal of significant lessons and all the pain, struggle, endurance and stress has truly been worth it. I have made life long friends and my heart is so filled with thankfulness for them. I have encountered people from various different walks of life and they have enriched mine. I am blessed and have truly been brought to the place of thankfulness to God for the time I got to spend at Belfast Bible College, who knows, it may not be our last ever meeting. (~Paul B)

Today I had my penultimate final...I have been pretty stressed about this exam the past couple of weeks because the topics were pretty difficult and our lecturer hadn't given us great exam pointers.

Anyways, I choose 2 topics...studied hard and prayed hard that both of them would appear...I opened up the exam paper and my smile grew large (which is a pretty big deal in an exam) and both of my topics were there that I had studied for.

I literally said 'Praise God'

I started planning my answers and God really answered my prayer in that I remembered a lot more information than I thought I would.

I am very thankful.

It reminded me that God really does care about every minute detail of my life.

As I prepared for this exam there were times where I wanted desperately to give up, but all of a sudden I would feel my body grow stronger and the pressure around my head would lift...I know this was the power of prayer from many people who have been faithful in covering me in prayer.

My heart is so grateful to all of you who have specifically remembered me throughout the preparations and this week as I sit exams.

I would have given up a long time ago if it were not for you!

I have been so blessed by my family this week too. When I woke up this morning my mum had left me a note and it was as if it was penned by God Himself. Her words inspired, encouraged and gave me confidence to memorise facts and knowledge this morning before I took the exam. Thank you mum!



Also on the journey to the exam my big brother called me to wish me luck...luck? huh? I did tell him I don't believe in luck...but at that point I would take anything! haha. (just kidding, still don't believe in luck) But it was very sweet of him to not only think of me but to take the time to call me before and then he called me after to check how it went. Thank you bro!

I am exhausted. But I know I will feel ready in the morning to study...one.last.time. It feels great to write those words!

Please continue to pray for me, I am truly and deeply grateful!

.

Bringing me hope...

A question I ponder a lot from various angles...

"Will you remember me?"

I think we all long to be remembered...for various reasons and by different people for different things.
Mostly though, I want to God to remember me.
And I want to be remembered in this life because of how He transformed me.
I am struggling right now with being transformed, because it's painful, it hurts and it sure ain't pretty.
And sometimes I doubt whether it's even worth it.

But through the journey I remember God's promises...

He will never leave me
He will never drop me
He will never abandon me
He desires what is best for me
It is impossible for Him not to care

As I write this a song I've never listened to is playing and I can't believe how perfect it is...

The ugliness I see

Is evidence of who I need

Give me an answer

Give me the way out

Give me the faith

To believe in these hard times

Give me motivation

Give me all my heart's desires

Show me something gorgeous

Show me 'til my eyes get tired

Give me all the drums and

Show me how to play them loud

Show me how to move

When I can't feel that you're around

It's clear enough to me

The ugliness I see

Is evidence of who I need

Give me the answer

Give me the way out

Give me the faith

To believe in these hard times

We hide like thieves in shadows

Scared of the sun

'Cause we know the light will find us

and all we've done

Give me an answer

Give me a way out

Give me the faith

To believe in these hard times

                                           ~Need to Breathe 'These hard times'

I love driving... for many reasons but one of them is because its where I spend most time listening to music. At the start of this week I choose an album that I hadn't listened to in a while and I knew would do my soul good.

It is 'Jesus and Justice' by Brian Houston. It is a wonderful collection of old hymns and beautiful written lyrics by Houston himself. I love Brian's sound and his talent in breathing musical creativity into timeless words.

The theme of the next 10 days for me is worry, stress and fear as exams draw ever closer. But throughout the past few days I have heard God whisper, come to Me...tell Me about your struggles...because I care for you! (1 Peter 5:7)

One song in particular reminded me of God's constant care and desire to lift our burdens from us and give us peace. It also reminded me of the times I needlessly forfeit peace from God because I don't share my heart and worries with Him. So today I have carried everything to Him in prayer knowing that He is big enough, strong enough and willing to carry my burdens with me.

What A Friend We have in Jesus:

What a friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Ev'rything to God in prayer!
Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
Oh what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Ev'rything to God in prayer!

Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged,
Take it to the Lord in prayer:
Can we find a friend so faithful
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus Knows our every weakness,
Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden,
Cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Saviour, still our refuge;
Take it to the Lord in prayer:
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer;
In His arms He'll take and shield thee;
Thou wilt find a solace there.




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One more thing, I had a wonderful day today....mostly because of photos. First of all Corey and I had a Photo Booth session, it was so adorable....Corey would wait for the 3...2...1....countdown and would make several poses. He is just so amazing. Then at dship we celebrated Petra's time with us this year by taking photos together around Saintfield. It was so much fun! I love you girls!







I hope you're all doing well and those of you who are doing exams are surviving! My sympathy and support are with each one of you :)