This post is titled God of honesty...
So that is what I endeavour to be in this post.
Honest.
Over the past couple of months I have been experiencing the freedom, liberation and joy that comes with honesty. Granted, I haven't experienced this everywhere I go, but it's something that is still outworking in my life.
On Sunday night I went with a group of some of my favourite people to hear Rob Bell speak. (Rob deserves a whole post to himself but that will come in due course) But one thing that really struck me was Rob's honesty.( I mean I had felt his honesty in his books but it was so refreshing to see it in real life) He was brave enough to say what everyone else was/is thinking (whether they admit it or not). Rob talked about the value of honesty and that is something that I have been pondering for a while now.
To be in true fellowship with God and one another, we need to be honest.
God is interested in the bad just as much as the good.
Let me repeat that because its something we usually brush off...
God is interested in the bad just as much as the good.
God has been reminding me of this revolutionary truth over and over- - through scripture, sermons and people.
So honestly, at this particular moment in time I feel numb. I feel like God isn't getting through to my heart. (That could possibly be because I'm not letting Him) But what I've been learning is that I need to be honest with myself in this because the only way to move forward in the journey is to be honest and abandon myself to Him.
I don't have all the answers.
And most of the time I love that.
During these times of numbness and dryness I have been trying to fill myself with God's truths and promises. Today I came across a note written in my bible titled 'The mystery of more'. It is a small A5 piece of paper that is crammed full of things that I am thankful to God for. But the amazing thing is this...God doesn't just offer me these 'things' once- -its time and time again. Don't worry if this doesn't make much sense, I'm going to write them below:
God thank you for...
-more love-more grace-more compassion-more faith in me when I need it most-more encouragement-more power-more support-more guidence-more passion-more wisdom-more insight-more forgiveness-more blessing even when I don't deserve it-more understanding-more mercy-more unfailing,unconditional,transforming,enduring love-more relationship-more presence-more challenges-more growth-more strength-more rest-more whsipers in the dark-more light in darkness-more healing-more beauty being revealed to me in your creation-more romance-more captivating paintings in the sky-more adventure-more struggle-more trust-more words when there aren't any to be said-more stillness-more silence-more provision-more praise&worship-more patience-more sacrifice-more indiscriminate acts of kindess-more kindess-more peace-more surrendering-more favour-more chances.
And the crazy thing is that God is SO much MORE than this. He gives me so much more even though I am so unworthy and so undeserving. God is faithful in these things even though I am far from faithful to Him. And what makes me tearful is that right now is that I know these things are true but I don't feel it. But what I also know is that, God is in no way limited to my feelings and that is a blessing and relief to me. I am so thankful that God is unchanging, and that all these things I've listed remain when all else fades.
Something I have also been learning through stories of characters in the bible is that in times when they couldn't pray, worship or want to be anywhere near God they borrowed other people's prayers and words. One guy in particular who makes me laugh and gives me hope in a strange sort of way (because he was a complete screw up but God still used him) was Jonah.
Jonah tried to run from God.
So much so he ended up in a whale's belly. And it is here that I have learnt something new. In chapter 2 Jonah realises that the only way he is going to get out of this whale is to ask God to help. But Jonah is in such a panic, sorrowful, fearful, frustrating place that he can't bring himself to pray to God himself. He can't face praying to God with his own words. So what does he do? He borrows the words of others. Jonah begins to pray from the Psalms, various lines from several different Psalms (3,5,18,30,42,69,120 and 139).
I love this idea and it is one I want to cultivate in my own life.
Even though Jonah didn't feel like praying, he still did. Even if that meant borrowing someone else's words.
So even though I may not feel God close, or feel like praying or feel like studying...it doesn't really matter because God's truth, power and love transcend my feelings. I hope that God will continue to guide me through this struggle and that I will continue to learn more about how much I must decrease and He must increase.
Because really at the end of the day it always comes back to the simplest of truths:
It's not about me.
It's all about Him.
So that is what I endeavour to be in this post.
Honest.
Over the past couple of months I have been experiencing the freedom, liberation and joy that comes with honesty. Granted, I haven't experienced this everywhere I go, but it's something that is still outworking in my life.
On Sunday night I went with a group of some of my favourite people to hear Rob Bell speak. (Rob deserves a whole post to himself but that will come in due course) But one thing that really struck me was Rob's honesty.( I mean I had felt his honesty in his books but it was so refreshing to see it in real life) He was brave enough to say what everyone else was/is thinking (whether they admit it or not). Rob talked about the value of honesty and that is something that I have been pondering for a while now.
To be in true fellowship with God and one another, we need to be honest.
God is interested in the bad just as much as the good.
Let me repeat that because its something we usually brush off...
God is interested in the bad just as much as the good.
God has been reminding me of this revolutionary truth over and over- - through scripture, sermons and people.
So honestly, at this particular moment in time I feel numb. I feel like God isn't getting through to my heart. (That could possibly be because I'm not letting Him) But what I've been learning is that I need to be honest with myself in this because the only way to move forward in the journey is to be honest and abandon myself to Him.
I don't have all the answers.
And most of the time I love that.
During these times of numbness and dryness I have been trying to fill myself with God's truths and promises. Today I came across a note written in my bible titled 'The mystery of more'. It is a small A5 piece of paper that is crammed full of things that I am thankful to God for. But the amazing thing is this...God doesn't just offer me these 'things' once- -its time and time again. Don't worry if this doesn't make much sense, I'm going to write them below:
God thank you for...
-more love-more grace-more compassion-more faith in me when I need it most-more encouragement-more power-more support-more guidence-more passion-more wisdom-more insight-more forgiveness-more blessing even when I don't deserve it-more understanding-more mercy-more unfailing,unconditional,transforming,enduring love-more relationship-more presence-more challenges-more growth-more strength-more rest-more whsipers in the dark-more light in darkness-more healing-more beauty being revealed to me in your creation-more romance-more captivating paintings in the sky-more adventure-more struggle-more trust-more words when there aren't any to be said-more stillness-more silence-more provision-more praise&worship-more patience-more sacrifice-more indiscriminate acts of kindess-more kindess-more peace-more surrendering-more favour-more chances.
And the crazy thing is that God is SO much MORE than this. He gives me so much more even though I am so unworthy and so undeserving. God is faithful in these things even though I am far from faithful to Him. And what makes me tearful is that right now is that I know these things are true but I don't feel it. But what I also know is that, God is in no way limited to my feelings and that is a blessing and relief to me. I am so thankful that God is unchanging, and that all these things I've listed remain when all else fades.
Something I have also been learning through stories of characters in the bible is that in times when they couldn't pray, worship or want to be anywhere near God they borrowed other people's prayers and words. One guy in particular who makes me laugh and gives me hope in a strange sort of way (because he was a complete screw up but God still used him) was Jonah.
Jonah tried to run from God.
So much so he ended up in a whale's belly. And it is here that I have learnt something new. In chapter 2 Jonah realises that the only way he is going to get out of this whale is to ask God to help. But Jonah is in such a panic, sorrowful, fearful, frustrating place that he can't bring himself to pray to God himself. He can't face praying to God with his own words. So what does he do? He borrows the words of others. Jonah begins to pray from the Psalms, various lines from several different Psalms (3,5,18,30,42,69,120 and 139).
I love this idea and it is one I want to cultivate in my own life.
Even though Jonah didn't feel like praying, he still did. Even if that meant borrowing someone else's words.
So even though I may not feel God close, or feel like praying or feel like studying...it doesn't really matter because God's truth, power and love transcend my feelings. I hope that God will continue to guide me through this struggle and that I will continue to learn more about how much I must decrease and He must increase.
Because really at the end of the day it always comes back to the simplest of truths:
It's not about me.
It's all about Him.
