Wow.

Time has flown since my last exam.

It seems like once I set my pen down on 27th May at 4.30pm that I haven't stood still.

Freedom has been amazing, it took a few days to actually feel free. I would be out having fun and in my head I was thinking 'I shouldn't be here I should be studying...' but thankfully not. Hopefully for a while too. I have soaked up every moment of being with friends and have loved being able to stay up late, take pictures around Belfast, meeting girls for coffee, read whenever and whatever I want to and take a trip to the North Coast.







During this time I had little energy to think and truly reflect upon the past three years, but I found myself reflecting this weekend. On Friday I had my graduation from Bible College, it was a beautiful day. I have been looking forward to this date for several days, weeks and months. It was a date that had motivated me to keep on keeping on. I couldn't quite believe that it had arrived.

I was so honoured and blessed to be able to share this day with significant people. In the morning we had our final worship service with communion and Paul and Val were able to come with me, it such a blessing to share this time with them as they have supported me over the past 3 years at BBC.

The worship service was beautiful.
Completely centred on Jesus.
I was brought to the place of remembering that the only reason I had made it to this point was because of His love and strength. It was an amazing opportunity for me to truly adore God and lift my heart that was full of thankfulness to Him. All of the songs that I sang that day were drenched in words of precious truth that affirmed to me that God really does have a hold of me. He really will not ever let me go. I am so so so thankful for God's faithfulness to me.

My future is secure in Him and He is sovereign and has authority over every situation.
He knows, He knows the direction that my life will take.
I know, I know that I have to trust Him for every step ahead.

God has affirmed his guidance, presence and love to me over and over again this weekend. Every sermon I have encountered has lifted my heart. At the graduation ceremony on Friday evening the principal of BBC gave us amazing advice as we embark on God's mission and many of us who will head into ministry now or in the future...

He told us to contemplate these questions:

1. What do people expect of me?
As a graduate of Bible College (and hopefully of Queens...only time will tell) many people will have expectations of me. It is so easy therefore to follow their expectations rather focusing on God's plan for my life. I could get so consumed by doing things and being busy at the sacrifice of myself. I could force myself to be what I am not to please others. So as this chapter ends I hope that whatever I do I will be myself.
2. What do you expect of yourself?
What are the expectations that am I placing upon myself? Can I do and be everything to everyone? I know that I can't but there is definitely a temptation to try to be. Rather Ian cautioned us to love our limitations. Our limitations are our friends because they remind us of our desperate need for God. Realising that I can't do everything forces me to surrender to God's strength and wisdom.
3. What is your focus?
Or rather, who is your focus? Jesus is among us as the one who serves, this is my calling to serve Him above everyone and everything else. I am called to lead a radical life of discipleship and Jesus is the example to follow and He is the source of all my strength, affirmation and encouragement.
I loved this line that Ian shared "May every single thing you do be out of the lion heart, rugged individual that you are." 


The most emotional part of the evening for me was when my Missiology lecturer stood to commission us. I could not hold back the tears. It was a mixture of emotions- I finally realised I am really finished. It was a beautiful prayer full of the Holy Spirit and amazing promise's of God. I was excited to be commissioned to further God's Kingdom but there was an ounce of sorrow and fear of leaving our community.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I can hardly believe that I have completed 3 years of study at Belfast Bible College, I have been joyful, excited, inspired and challenged. I have learnt a great deal of significant lessons and all the pain, struggle, endurance and stress has truly been worth it. I have made life long friends and my heart is so filled with thankfulness for them. I have encountered people from various different walks of life and they have enriched mine. I am blessed and have truly been brought to the place of thankfulness to God for the time I got to spend at Belfast Bible College, who knows, it may not be our last ever meeting. (~Paul B)

Today I had my penultimate final...I have been pretty stressed about this exam the past couple of weeks because the topics were pretty difficult and our lecturer hadn't given us great exam pointers.

Anyways, I choose 2 topics...studied hard and prayed hard that both of them would appear...I opened up the exam paper and my smile grew large (which is a pretty big deal in an exam) and both of my topics were there that I had studied for.

I literally said 'Praise God'

I started planning my answers and God really answered my prayer in that I remembered a lot more information than I thought I would.

I am very thankful.

It reminded me that God really does care about every minute detail of my life.

As I prepared for this exam there were times where I wanted desperately to give up, but all of a sudden I would feel my body grow stronger and the pressure around my head would lift...I know this was the power of prayer from many people who have been faithful in covering me in prayer.

My heart is so grateful to all of you who have specifically remembered me throughout the preparations and this week as I sit exams.

I would have given up a long time ago if it were not for you!

I have been so blessed by my family this week too. When I woke up this morning my mum had left me a note and it was as if it was penned by God Himself. Her words inspired, encouraged and gave me confidence to memorise facts and knowledge this morning before I took the exam. Thank you mum!



Also on the journey to the exam my big brother called me to wish me luck...luck? huh? I did tell him I don't believe in luck...but at that point I would take anything! haha. (just kidding, still don't believe in luck) But it was very sweet of him to not only think of me but to take the time to call me before and then he called me after to check how it went. Thank you bro!

I am exhausted. But I know I will feel ready in the morning to study...one.last.time. It feels great to write those words!

Please continue to pray for me, I am truly and deeply grateful!

.

Bringing me hope...

A question I ponder a lot from various angles...

"Will you remember me?"

I think we all long to be remembered...for various reasons and by different people for different things.
Mostly though, I want to God to remember me.
And I want to be remembered in this life because of how He transformed me.
I am struggling right now with being transformed, because it's painful, it hurts and it sure ain't pretty.
And sometimes I doubt whether it's even worth it.

But through the journey I remember God's promises...

He will never leave me
He will never drop me
He will never abandon me
He desires what is best for me
It is impossible for Him not to care

As I write this a song I've never listened to is playing and I can't believe how perfect it is...

The ugliness I see

Is evidence of who I need

Give me an answer

Give me the way out

Give me the faith

To believe in these hard times

Give me motivation

Give me all my heart's desires

Show me something gorgeous

Show me 'til my eyes get tired

Give me all the drums and

Show me how to play them loud

Show me how to move

When I can't feel that you're around

It's clear enough to me

The ugliness I see

Is evidence of who I need

Give me the answer

Give me the way out

Give me the faith

To believe in these hard times

We hide like thieves in shadows

Scared of the sun

'Cause we know the light will find us

and all we've done

Give me an answer

Give me a way out

Give me the faith

To believe in these hard times

                                           ~Need to Breathe 'These hard times'

I love driving... for many reasons but one of them is because its where I spend most time listening to music. At the start of this week I choose an album that I hadn't listened to in a while and I knew would do my soul good.

It is 'Jesus and Justice' by Brian Houston. It is a wonderful collection of old hymns and beautiful written lyrics by Houston himself. I love Brian's sound and his talent in breathing musical creativity into timeless words.

The theme of the next 10 days for me is worry, stress and fear as exams draw ever closer. But throughout the past few days I have heard God whisper, come to Me...tell Me about your struggles...because I care for you! (1 Peter 5:7)

One song in particular reminded me of God's constant care and desire to lift our burdens from us and give us peace. It also reminded me of the times I needlessly forfeit peace from God because I don't share my heart and worries with Him. So today I have carried everything to Him in prayer knowing that He is big enough, strong enough and willing to carry my burdens with me.

What A Friend We have in Jesus:

What a friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Ev'rything to God in prayer!
Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
Oh what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Ev'rything to God in prayer!

Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged,
Take it to the Lord in prayer:
Can we find a friend so faithful
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus Knows our every weakness,
Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden,
Cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Saviour, still our refuge;
Take it to the Lord in prayer:
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer;
In His arms He'll take and shield thee;
Thou wilt find a solace there.




**********************************

One more thing, I had a wonderful day today....mostly because of photos. First of all Corey and I had a Photo Booth session, it was so adorable....Corey would wait for the 3...2...1....countdown and would make several poses. He is just so amazing. Then at dship we celebrated Petra's time with us this year by taking photos together around Saintfield. It was so much fun! I love you girls!







I hope you're all doing well and those of you who are doing exams are surviving! My sympathy and support are with each one of you :)

I have set myself a challenge, over the next 2 weeks as I finish my degree with 2 exams I would like to blog each day a thought, song or quote that has challenged, moved, annoyed or inspired me. I don't know how realistic it is to make a commitment to write something every day, but I will give it a shot.

I hope that through my random musings, findings or thoughts that you too may be encouraged.

Today is a quote from a reading that I'm going through in preparation for my Pastoral Care exam....the theme is stories and how we use them in our everyday lives to express meaning, communicate with one another and make sense of our world. I love listening to people and hearing the story of their life so studying for this question on my exam isn't too much of a chore, although the danger will be that i'll want to spend too much time on it!

“Through narrative, we become spiritual travellers undaunted by time, distance, or new landscapes. It is as if stories have mystical power to invite us, willingly or unwillingly, to enter unknown worlds.” p.4 Anderson and Foley 'Mighty Stories, Dangerous Rituals


I adore this quote, as I read it I'm drawn into a mystical world in my imagination. I can't tell of the times that I have been drawn into stories this way, real and fiction. Stories are powerful because they connect people, and we are connected to God through His story of redemption. 


I love knowing that I belong to a story that is way bigger than myself. And as I reflect on my life at this current moment I know that a chapter is about to end...and I have no idea what the next chapter looks like but I know I am excited, I know I'm scared but I also know that "Our God is greater, Our God is higher, Our God is greater than any other. Our God is healer, awesome in power. Our God." 

On the 24th March I turned 21.

It was such a precious day.

I don't think I can remember a time when I have felt more loved and blessed, ever. From 7am until 12pm I recieved texts, facebooks comments and even a phonecall from my dear friend Lauren in America. From the moment I stepped out of bed I was lavished with signs of love. A 'Happy 21st balloon' and sunflowers greeted me with a smile at my bedroom door. From the top of the stairs I could see a pile of gifts awaitng me and as I walked into the kicthen I spotted balloons and banners on our gates. It was exciting.








A fun filled day awaited me with hair appointments, dressing up, being with friends and going to a fancy tea party!
I am so thankful I got to share my 21st with some of my closest friends and in such a perfect way. We attended the Merchant Hotel for Afternoon Tea.
We where waited on hand and foot. Silver tea pots and tea strainers, along with fancy sugar lumps. The food was divine and presented beautifully.
The Great Room is spectaluar, dressed up in gold, sparkles, paintings and chandeliers. Fit for a princess. It was fun to do something fancy and out of the ordinary and we loved taking several pictures.












After a quick run to pick up some cupcakes for a birthday cake, I meet my family for a meal.
 It was lovely to spend time with them and to take pictures with them and show them all the photos I had taken that day.






All of the signs of love I experienced on this day have left me thinking... I bet God shows me signs of love everyday that I rarely take any notice of. He uses paintings in the sky, songs, photos and often people to show His love to me.

Often my response is to shrug it of, but I want to learn to simply embrace His love and thank Him.

This is my challenge.
It won't be easy, but it will be exciting.

***************************************

~I would like to thank all of you who made my birthday so deeply precious. I am incredibly blessed to have you in my life. I was SO overwhelemed by your generosity, care and love you poured over this day. This day has kept me going over the past few weeks as deadlines loomed I have drifted back to the memories of love that surrounded that day and I have sighed and continued writing. Thank you for giving me the gift of sweet memories. I can't wait to do the same for you on your birthday!

(I have so many posts in my head right now, but things have slowed down a little bit on the degree front so hopefully I will be able to write again soon!)

A quote to live by.


“Nothing is more practical than finding God, 
that is, than falling in a love in a quite absolute, final way. 
What you are in love with, 
what seizes your imagination will affect everything.
It will decide what will get you out of bed in the mornings,
what you will do with your evenings, 
how you spend your weekends, 
what you read, 
who you know,
what breaks your heart, 
and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. 
Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.”

He is a mighty savior.


He will take delight in you with gladness.


With his love, he will calm all your fears.


He will rejoice over you with joyful songs."
 
~Zephaniah 3:17
 
This is one of my favourite verses. I adore singing so I think thats one reason why this verse means so much to me. Tonight I haven't been able to get this verse or the image of God singing over me out of my head.
 
It is incredibly encouraging as I have been sitting at my computer screen longing to run away from the mind melting essay that is before me.
 
As I paused for a moment to think about this bible verse the song 'Just The Way You Are' started playing...I listened closely to the lyrics and it truly hit me...
 
This is what God thinks of me...
 
"When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change
  Because you're amazing
  Just the way you are
  And when you smile
  The whole world stops and stares for a while
  Because girl you're amazing
  Just the way you are"
 
So in that moment as I soaked in the lyrics I imagined God singing these words over me.
It made me smile.
So I thought I would share that with you :) because He thinks the same about you too.
 

 
This is the best version of the song.
 
March has been ridiculously busy, I'm turning 21 next week so I'm sure I will blog all about the celebrations next week :)

Over the past few weeks (or should I say years but increasing these past weeks)

God has been telling me...

'Trust Me'

He has been making His point clear through different people, circumstances and situations.

You see every now and then I sit back and realise 'Wow. I am in my final semester of final year.'

This excites me but also scares me. I know fear should not limit me and it sure doesn't limit God but it is a crazy thing to trust beyond yourself, especially when so many times you've been hurt by trusting others.

But God is whispering...

'Trust Me'

He whispers through the beauty of His creation, through songs, through study, through ministry and people.

It's hard to live in the tension at the moment between finishing this degree and trying to figure out what comes next.

I want to be fully dedicated to the now so that I don't miss anything but I can't help dreaming (also worrying) about what comes next. Most days I feel pressured to try and figure that out from others around me.

I can't answer that question yet and I'm asking God to help me be ok with that. All I know is that I want to glory Him in everything I do and show people a glimpse of the Love that He has shown me that has completely changed my life.

I know God is preparing me, I just don't know what for....yet.

And right now I don't even think knowing is important...

Trusting is important.

Believing God's promises for me and trusting that He is enough is important.

And in that proccess I know God will lead me where He wants me to go.

Today on this day set aside to celebrate love I am reminded that I am Loved, even when I'm not.

I am Loved, not because of who I am or what I've done, not based on my ability to love or do something great... but simply I am Loved.

Unconditionally Loved.

I still can't quite grasp or fathom the enormity of that Love.

It is Love that is self-less, patient, giving, eternal, everlasting, unending, unchanging, unfailing...

This Love has won my heart over and over again. I am deeply thankful for the sacrifice that God made for me in sending His Son to lay down His life for me so that I could know True Love.

He choose to send Jesus so that He could lavish His Love upon us.

To me that is worth way more than receiving a Valentine's card, chocolate or flowers.

God gave the greatest gift....unconditional, sacrifical Love.

I hope today you will celebrate this Love.

Happy Love Day!

Music reminds me of who I am
And who I could be.

That's why I write about songs that have spoke to me.

My friend Bec introduced me to this incredible band Gungor. And WOW am I grateful that she did. I have just listened to their new album 'Beautiful Things' for the first time. I am in love with their joyful sound, worship filled lyrics and honesty.

The lead singer Michael Gungor writes:

“If leading worship is just about bringing a group of people into a room so we can get goosebumps and sing songs together, there’s not much value in that. But if leading worship is a means to an end, that we leave this place as a different kind of people, as part of a new humanity that God wants to create – the people that are caring for the widows and orphans, that aren’t bound by the systems of this world but becoming free, becoming fully engaged in our world – then that matters.”


That's what I want. I want to enter worship and see the face of God, witness the unfolding of His story in the world and be changed. I want my selfeshness to be washed away by looking deeply into the heart of God. I don't want a flat earthly experience but to join the angels in heaven who can't stop singing. I don't want to be robbed of a true life changing encounter because I'm too focused on myself, my own issues and my own failures. I want to surrender these to God and believe He is making me new.


I love the album, but the song I was first introduced to was 'Beautiful Things' this indeed is one of those songs that reminds me who (and Who's) I am and who I could be.




Beautiful Things 
All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make me new, You are making me new

My dear friend sent me a text today to tell me to read/watch this on 24-7 Prayer website.

I was left feeling encouraged that I'm not the only one who feels this way.

It is definitely worth a listen/read.

This is the link to the website:

http://www.24-7prayer.com/features/1411

The Ache:

Awake my soul- Mumford and Sons