The past week has been incredibly difficult for me, for various reasons which I won't go into right now. I know that this year will be tough and that really does terrify me. Thoughts of not being good enough taunt me and often leave me frozen from being able to get studying done.
I have a lot to think about over the next couple of weeks and some decisions to make that I don't want to make. But I will trust that God is leading and knows what is best for me.
Over the past week the best way to describe how I have felt would be to imagine being in a deep dark pit. Constantly looking up for inspiration, encouragement and the hope that there would be an end to the stress one day. (Throughout this week I have definitely recieved encouragement but I will write more about that later. ) The thing is I feel like this is what it will be like until I graduate next June, and maybe it will be but I would like to find another way to cope. Suggestions are more than welcome :-)
But in the midst of the stress I have been truly blessed. I have had several texts, facebook comments, skype chats and calls that have kept me going. As well as this some of the dearest people in my life have blessed me with little gifts of encouragement.
My older brother has been staying here with my nephew since Sunday night (my sister in law is away on a girls trip) and he drove me to Starbucks, let me sit in the car with Corey and brought me out my very first Eggnog latte of the season as well as buying me a bag of the Christmas blend. Beautiful.
Then on Monday morning I got to look after Corey, we met my mum for lunch in Saintfield and took him to Rowallane to play in the leaves. If you haven't already you need to watch this:
Create your own video slideshow at animoto.com.
so cute!
Last night I reached the end of myself and couldn't bare the stress anymore which resulted in a beautiful conversation with my mum which I am so thankful for and made it worth the tears. About an hour later my hot friend arrived round with a studying pick me up package! I am so blessed beyond my worth.
From this I have been reminded that...
I have a lot to think about over the next couple of weeks and some decisions to make that I don't want to make. But I will trust that God is leading and knows what is best for me.
Over the past week the best way to describe how I have felt would be to imagine being in a deep dark pit. Constantly looking up for inspiration, encouragement and the hope that there would be an end to the stress one day. (Throughout this week I have definitely recieved encouragement but I will write more about that later. ) The thing is I feel like this is what it will be like until I graduate next June, and maybe it will be but I would like to find another way to cope. Suggestions are more than welcome :-)
But in the midst of the stress I have been truly blessed. I have had several texts, facebook comments, skype chats and calls that have kept me going. As well as this some of the dearest people in my life have blessed me with little gifts of encouragement.
My older brother has been staying here with my nephew since Sunday night (my sister in law is away on a girls trip) and he drove me to Starbucks, let me sit in the car with Corey and brought me out my very first Eggnog latte of the season as well as buying me a bag of the Christmas blend. Beautiful.
Then on Monday morning I got to look after Corey, we met my mum for lunch in Saintfield and took him to Rowallane to play in the leaves. If you haven't already you need to watch this:
Create your own video slideshow at animoto.com.
so cute!
Last night I reached the end of myself and couldn't bare the stress anymore which resulted in a beautiful conversation with my mum which I am so thankful for and made it worth the tears. About an hour later my hot friend arrived round with a studying pick me up package! I am so blessed beyond my worth.
This is what was in the studying kit. I love the cupcake magnetic bookmarks illustrated on the right :-)
Within this was a beautiful devotional that Philippa had got from her mum when she was doing her A-Levels..I read it this morning before I began my work and it nearly brought me to tears.
You will probably not be able to read it from here but it shares a story from Dallas Willard about a kid who loses his mother at an early age and finds refuge in sleeping beside his father at night. But the kid could not sleep unless his father faced him. Willard writes 'We can get by with a God who doesn't speak. Many of us at least think we do. But it's not much of a life, and it's certainly not the life God intends or the abundant life Jesus came to make avaliable.' wow. As if that wasn't enough to blow my mind...the second paragraph is all about God giving you peace in the face of a dark valley of fear. And guess what verses are quoted? Joshua 1:5-9. This passage has become dear to me since Janruary and it has been brought to my attention over and over and over again. I read it last Monday before I started to study...and I had already forgotten it a week later. I am thankful that God continues to lavish love and faithfulness upon me even when it doesn't always register straight away.
From this I have been reminded that...
He is with me in the deep dark pit.
And will be there all this year.
(I'm hoping I won't always be there though! haha)
Even more blessing came in the form of a letter from Rachael D today. It was my guide to Cardiff complete with a map of the airport, train and bus times and fun things to do. I am excited to get away for a couple of days and spend time with my wonderful friend!
Then this afternoon my mum brought me home a little gift, Russian doll cupcake cases...I can't wait to use them (whenever that will be). She also bought me a new French Press as I dropped mine this morning and it horrified me not being able to make a fresh brew until she came home, but I have since had two cups of Starbucks Christmas blend, so all is good!
Even though I have had a tough week and know there are many more ahead I have been told time and time again this week through God's word and through God using other people that He is right here with me.
Carrying me through.
Listening to my rants and cries for help.
Laughing and crying with me.
Loving me unconditionally.
